


What Goes Bump in the Night

by DraiochtEve



Series: Japhinne is Heathen for Troublemaker [8]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Booty Calls, Comedy, Elezen Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), F/M, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Implied Sexual Content, Japhinne is terrified of spiders, Mild Language, One Shot, POV Third Person, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers, Short One Shot, ardbert is implied, because he is ghost, exarch still hiding identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24759487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraiochtEve/pseuds/DraiochtEve
Summary: A short oneshot during the time Japhinne and Exarch have begun an affair without him revealing his identity.The Exarch receives a summon to his beloved hero's quarters in the middle of the night. However, things don't exactly go quite as anticipated.Only rated M for language and briefly implied sexual interactions.Best understood read after Kisses of Orange, but not required.
Relationships: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light
Series: Japhinne is Heathen for Troublemaker [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1508594
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	What Goes Bump in the Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very famous story amongst my friend circles. Japhinne is terrified of two things. Ghosts and spiders. I'm jumping the gun a bit posting this before the other bits I want to share, but it is stand-alone enough and I rambled it down so LET'S GO.

“My lord, the Warrior of Darkness requests your presence in her chambers and she emphasized the urgency,” The request flowed off the guard’s tongue with a suggestive drawl. Or perhaps it only seemed suggestive to its recipient who was already growing weak at the knees. 

“T-Thank you. I will leave momentarily,” the Exarch replied with heart already pounding in his ears. The pause between him and the guard made him feel guilty before they smiled and saluted. With their final departure and the click of the Ocular door, the Exarch sighed. His muscles ached as he released them of his tension and a heated thought of how much more he _could_ be aching stole what little breath he still had. 

It was a dangerous game and not one he had ever prepared for playing in all the time he spent on the First. Indeed, he had anticipated Japhinne’s flirtatious personality and concerningly high libido would lead her to risqué rendezvous. But, he had hoped she would seek companionship amongst the numerous citizens of the Crystarium. How she had come to be so fixated on him, how she had managed to twist every voice in his head from screaming to cease to screaming, ‘yes please’, and how much power she had to bring him to complete lack of self-control were all mysteries for the gods.

Shaking himself away from his thoughts, the Exarch scurried away to freshen himself up to make the best impression his dear seductress deserved. Washed up swiftly head-to-toe, teeth and tongue brushed, a light perfume she had complimented him on, and clean robes though he knew they’d be soiled before dawn. He was as ready as he was ever going to be. 

As he casted an invisibility spell and snuck out of his quarters, that worrisome whisper in the back of his head told him to talk with Japhinne and call off their whole arrangement. It was always there –ever-present– and scolding him each morning he awoke surrounded with the elezen’s warmth and scent. _This is the final time,_ he lied to himself like he did every time he snuck off to indulge in her erotic pleasures. _Just one more time and I’ll call it off. She needs me. It couldn’t hurt._

Carefully, he dodged every suspicious eye still awake at this unholy hour. Mostly patrol, but some awestruck individuals adoring the jewel covered night sky. He couldn’t blame them, but he prayed they were too enamored with the glistening stars to hear his nervous footsteps as he tiptoed to the Pendants. Once or twice, he froze when a sudden gasp and turn of head threatened to break his spell, but thankfully he even managed to slip by the Pendant’s Master unnoticed. 

Mouth watering and mind already growing foggy, the Exarch gently knocked on her door. 

“E-Exarch? If that’s you please hurry in!” Japhinne called out with clear distress in her voice. 

Immediately, the Exarch’s wit returned to him and his heart leapt with concern. Fumbling hands rushed to open the door and he was met with a torn-up room and Japhinne comically hanging off the pipe to the cooking stove in a skimpy nightgown. 

“Japhinne?! Are you alright?” the Exarch asked as he released the invisibility spell and shut the door behind him. His eyes scanned the room once more in a panic and he made his way towards her, concerned she would fall. “Is...this isn’t from the ghost you told me of is it?”

Japhinne let out a nervous laugh and mumbled, “No, but if _he_ would _help_ me instead of _laughing_ –“

“Pardon?”

“No, no, just– please promise you won’t make fun of me?” she begged and nearly on the verge of tears.

The Exarch timidly stepped and climbed over several displaced objects and held his hand out to her. “I swear I won’t! Just please come down before you get hu-“

“No!” Japhinne yelped back and clung tighter to the pipe which creaked. Being this close, he could see she was shaking and paler than normal. The sight sent every fiber of his being into a protective flurry and what arousal he had moments ago left him as swift as a breeze. 

“Japhinne, I promise I won’t mock or jest, but please I need to know what is wrong,” he spoke calmly trying to quell what fear had her.

Japhinne pouted and her eyes traced over the surroundings as if searching for something. Then, with a trembling exhale, she replied, “There’s a s-spider and I lost it before I could kill it.”

A couple heartbeats of silence passed before a downpour of confusion and relief drenched the Exarch. “A _spider_?”

“Yes! It’s big an-and fuzzy and I _tried_ to kill it, but it fought back! And–“ she stopped and glared towards the direction of the couch, “It did so fight back! And I _hate_ spiders! Fuck me, I feel like it is _crawling_ on me now!” 

The Exarch blinked as he glanced over his shoulder, expecting to see some enigmatic figure teasing her behind him, but saw nothing and assumed she must be exhausted from the intense battle against the creature that was waged. 

Context now known, a small laugh tried to claw out from his belly and, with much willpower, he fought it back down remembering his promise. It increasingly became difficult as a vision of her frantically tripping over herself and throwing odd objects towards a harmless spider kept replaying in his mind. He hoped the dimples in his cheeks weren’t visible as he fought the grin and he bowed before her in earnest. 

“Allow me to rid you of the fiend, my friend. Pray tell, where did you last I see it?” 

Japhinne eased and smiled at him gratefully before pointing at the vanity on the other side of the apartment. The Exarch felt his tail twitch under its wrappings around his waist and his heart beat steadily with the rhythm of the hunt. 

“How big?”

“B-Big.”

The Exarch quirked an eyebrow and held up his hand to trace a circle around his palm. “As so? Or bigger?”

The elezen nodded frantically and confirmed, “That big. Oh gods, _please_ get it out of here! I’ll move rooms if you don’t!”

The threat sounded childish, serious, and very _Japhinne_. Almost endearing even, he confessed, however, he wouldn’t have some pint-sized “beast” disturb her peace to such extremes. It had to go.

Placing his hand to his chin, the Exarch looked around the immediate area for a suitable container to cage a spider of such size. After checking and disregarding several options, he settled on a large mug. A thin booklet he found on the floor would serve well enough to complete the trap. Holding both up to her view and nodding in confidence, Japhinne gingerly placed her legs on the stovetop, but still left her arms firmly coiled around it should she need to scale it once more.

Encouraged by her trust, the Exarch slowly stalked towards the vanity, head tilted and eyes large as they searched for their prey. Everything being so carelessly toppled over and disheveled added a level of difficulty to his task and a few times, shadows played tricks on him as he navigated the chaos. Each false alarm caused a slamming of the mug and a small scream from Japhinne. 

The Exarch cursed and wished he could pull off his cowl and free his ears to properly listen for pitter-patters, but then he recalled another technique he could use to locate the spider. It would work just as well if not better.

“ _Life to mine sight,”_ he whispered and a tingle of magicks prickled up his neck and through his skull. As he blinked, the world became a much darker hue and he glanced up to see the glowing forms of several resting bodies above and below him. It was slightly overwhelming, but not as headache-inducing as taking a peek at Japhinne whose aether was blisteringly bright. He could barely make out the outline of her body and he winced in pain both physical and emotional. 

Shoving aside his guilt for the hundredth time over having put her in such a situation, he refocused on the task at hand. No small bundles of aether around the vanity. He tsked, searched the wardrobe, and around the bed—which the mattress was hilariously flipped over like a kettle cake on the floor—and pursed his lips as he contemplated where a spider would most likely hide. 

Just then, from his peripheral vision, a small pocket of glittering aether zipped across the floor and Japhinne screamed in distress as the iron pipe whined. Quickly, he dashed and leapt, the cup slamming harshly on the wooden floor once with a miss, twice with another, and finally three with a successful capture. 

“Ah-hah!” the Exarch cheered joyfully as he slid the booklet under the lip of the mug, taking all precautions to not let the thing escape. Before Japhinne could climb down from the stove and blind him with her aetheric brilliance, he dispelled the aid and smiled at her as she bolted to the window. 

“Oh my gods, you’re my hero!” she cried out flinging the windows open, “Now get rid of it! Banish the fucking monster to the wilds where it belongs!”

The Exarch snorted at her dramatic order but complied. He apologized silently to the spider, knowing it meant no harm, and flung it out of the balcony where it landed softly in the grass. It seemed just as relieved to be out of there as Japhinne was to have it gone, he mused to himself.

“'Tis done,” he sighed victoriously before gasping at a sudden embrace. Her grip was tight, lifting him up on his tip-toes, and the soft comfort of her bosom against his cheek was more reward than he could ever ask for. Swallowing hard, he tried to ignore the amount of skin to skin contact he was receiving and returned the hug.

“Thank you~! Gods, at least _someone_ around here cares enough to help!” she exclaimed and squeezed him tighter. 

“I-I’m always happy to be of service, my friend,” the Exarch said in complete honesty. “Even if it is for spider removal.”

Japhinne laughed and swayed back and forth with him, clearly overjoyed, and the Exarch’s eyes lulled shut, losing himself in her aura. Just as he was thinking how much he would enjoy staying like this for an eternity or two, the elezen placed him back on his feet and hooked his chin with a sly finger. 

“Well, since it _is_ so late and you are here, why don’t you stay the rest of the night~? Judging by how clean you smell, is that what you were anticipating?” 

His heart jumped and his legs wobbled at the alluring tone she had swapped to effortlessly. It was like the flip of a switch or press of a button. The threat was gone, he was there, so it was to be expected where her mind would steer next. 

“I d-do concede that is what I was led to believe at first. However,” he spoke sheepishly as he eyed where they usually spent their time, “You appear to have some cleaning to do.”

“Oh, come now,” she retorted with eyes now flickering with that familiar perversion and the color clearly back in her cheeks, “Let me reward you first~ After all, you did so well.”

  
“B-But–“ and before he could finish his rebuttal, her lips were to his and her fingers were already sinking into his flesh. His shaking hands found her shoulders and he submitted to her advances with little fight. Flipped over mattress or not, it was still usable. The little voice warning him of this dangerous pastime drowned out by a wave of ticklish kisses and skilled hands. And after all, _just one more time couldn’t hurt_.

**Author's Note:**

> For a brief explanation how their arrangement works with their affair, Japhinne seduced and convinced Raha to have a friends-with-benefits type of relationship under three stipulations: His robes can't be raised above his hips, cowl stays on with no attempts to remove it, and her hands cannot rest or touch around his waist (his tail is bound there). She does indeed suspect and is confident he is G'raha, but is respecting his wishes for the sake of enjoying what of him she can. I do intend to write more of their relationship during this time in the future!
> 
> TY for reading <3


End file.
